 Steve
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(9/7/01 11:15:02
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Crawford, TX, August 29 (AP) -- In an effort to reach
out to
constituencies outside his traditional power
base, President
George W. Bush today announced a new
"note cut" initiative,
intended to appeal to classical
musicians. Speaking from his
ranch in Crawford, Texas,
the President prefaced his remarks with
some general
observations.
"Music is a good thing. I like
music, because I like
good things, and music is good for America.
It's
fundamentalistic to the American
spirit.
Classically-orientated musicians -- the ones that
play
in orchestras, in the churches of this great country
of
ours, in polka bands, and on the telephone when you're
put
on hold while calling any one of our Fortune 500
companies -- are
especially important, because they
play a whole lot of notes. And
these are good, American
notes, that haven't been genetically
altered, which
Laura and I value very highly. As I like to say,
what
you don't know you have can't hurt you if you're
not
there."
The President went on to explain the reasons
for his
new initiative. "For too long these good
musical
Americans have been playing lots and lots of notes,
and
haven't been getting anything in return. These
notes
belong to the American people, and it's time to
give
some of them back."
The administration's plan calls
for a one-time refund
of 3,000 notes to all tax-paying and
note-playing
American classical musicians. Chamber musicians
who
play sonatas together in long-standing legally-
or
church-sanctioned relationships are entitled to a
refund of
6,000 notes. String quartets will receive a
one-time refund of
10,000 notes, as follows: 5,000 for
first violinists, 3,000 for
second violinists, 1,500
for cellists, and only 500 for violists.
Already this
arrangement has generated considerable
controversy,
since it clearly favors the upper
instruments.
Pianists are entitled to a 15,000-note refund,
because,
in the words of the President, "they play lots and
lots
and lots of notes. Their fingers must be really
well
oiled. Those digits can really add up,
musicologistically
speaking."
Back in Washington, Democrats are already gearing
up
for a fight. They point to the plan's
inequitable
distribution of notes. Citing the latest figures
from
the music division of the General Accounting Office,
they
also claim that Bush's initiative is musically
irresponsible.
Noting recent reports indicating the
President's tax refund, in
conjunction with the sliding
economy, has now effectively erased
any budget surplus,
they find parallels in Bush's note-cut
initiative. They
warn ominously that his plan threatens
the
all-important Musical Security Hemi-, Demi-,
and
Semi-Quaver Reserve.
On Friday Representative Richard
A. Gephardt painted a
grim picture of what, in Demcoctrats' eyes,
the future
holds. "Giving musicians notes back doesn't
mean
they're going to use them wisely, and it won't help
the
nation's musical health. We'd run the very real risk
of
running out of notes."
"Imagine," Gephardt continued,
"a Brahms symphony
petering out in performance for a lack of
notes. First
thing you know, musicians will be leaving out all
the
fast movements because they don't have enough notes to
get
through them. Mendelssohn will suffer the most,
especially the
last movement of the octet."
Apprised of Gephardt's remarks
on the way to a pig
roast at his ranch, President Bush responded.
"Nope.
Not gonna happen. I intend to be the
defense,
education, and fast-movement president. If
Congress
minds its musical matters, we'll have enough left
for
Brahms and the Mendelssohn Octagon too."
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