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MrParody
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Posts: 1
(3/12/01 6:09:29
pm)
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The Long awaited
Parody!
Cellokid145:
Hey everyone! I just got the Starker Road to cello
playing CD. I think it’s great! The Popper Etdues are amazing! Just
thought you guys might like to know. This is a great new
CD!
HelenP:
Oh great! Yet another cellist and recording
that I have to ask all about. As much as I love discovering new
things, it’s really getting to be a pain keeping up with all these
new “discoveries”. CMS, why haven’t you told me about this one yet?
Geez, I’m gonna have to increase my CD budget now, thanks a lot,
CelloKid!
LaraWickers:
Hi CelloKid, it’s actually not a
new CD, where have you been, haven’t you been paying attention?
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. I think it’s a great CD too. You must
be pretty young. Have you considered posting on the Young Cellists
or College boards?
HelenP:
Oh great! More multiple board
stuff. Come on people, get with the program! Repeat after me: BOARD
UNIFICATION! ONE BOARD, ONE MIND! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!! Err… excuse
me… 
LorinnaDonner:
While I agree that Starker is considered
one of the greatest cellists around, I don’t approve of his
baldness. Let me clarify this. I don’t like cellists who lack a
certain amount of hair on the tops of their heads. I’ve found that
performers who have a full head of hair are usually not as,
well….BALD!
MetsyB:
Lorrinna, it’s not like you to post
like that. Everyone is entitled to their head-hair or lack therof.
Personally, I think Starker looks very friendly!
KaryM:
Oh
Lorinna, give us all a break and shut the #$%#$ up! I for one think
that bald cellists are cool! Cheers!
PeterTsong, ICS
Rod:
Excuse me, Lorinna? Where did this come from? Perhaps if you
were to say, the Bald cellists I’ve heard lack hair on their head
and I don’t like it, less people would be attacking you? And Kary,
you’d better tone it down because we can check your IP address, we
can ban your user account and if your really bad, we can force you
to look at my new baby’s website pictures over and over again until
you comply!
KaryM:
Peter, get a @#$#%% life!
Cheers!
CoryStooka: All I can tell you is that you don’t get
to hear Starker play with us here in the Jacksonville Symphony that
often, and when he comes, you still can’t hear him play!
Rob:
Very funny, Cory. Listen, I could go on for hours in Starker’s
defense who certainly needs no defending. But I’d rather go on and
tell you about how incredibly gifted and perfect Bernard Greenhouse
is. Surely no one here would allow themselves to look stupid enough
to disagree!
PA: Good god! You people have no clue do you?
There are NO great musicians around any more. The last great cellist
was Feuermann and I was lucky enough to have had his ghost playing
in my living room when I was a little kid. It’s pathetic the garbage
we have to listen to today with these “so called cellists” like Yo
Yo Ma, Rostropovich, Starker. What’s even worse is hearing all these
youngsters who are totally clueless go on and on about how great
these second rate musicians are. Bob, you are pushing the limits
there with Greenhouse, but he’s more than 60 years old, so I’ll
credit you with that.
MrCello:
When I was a little boy,
cellists used gut strings. Today they use all kinds of substances.
Tungsten, steel, Kevlar, etc.
When I was a little boy, cellists
used endpins and rock stops. Today they use all kinds of substances.
(Chrome, carbon fibre, titanium)
When I was a little boy,
cellists ate donuts. Today they use all kinds of
substances….
When I was a little boy, cello teachers could teach
you scales and etudes. Today they just teach you to play louder and
faster.
NorieHaus:
With all due respect, MrCello, not all
of us were little boys! I’m not comfortable with the underlying
sexist, ultra-conservative message in your post! BTW, I have 2
really cute cats that sit on top of my computer
monitor!
RickalessHenderson:
People, you are going about
it all wrong! It doesn’t matter what kind of cellist Starker or any
other so called “great” artists play like. Don’t try to imitate
them. It’s wrong to think that their greatness can’t be learned. I
can teach you to be great! I learned it from my teacher and now I
give seminars on cello greatness. You have to find that special
something in yourself. It’s no great mystery! It really offends me
when someone sterile as “Jowels” Starker gets all this praise for
being the GREATEST cellist alive. As if his greatness was
supernatural! Again, I teach greatness to cellists in my seminars
and if you want to be great too, you should sit in on one of
them!
MosesReavs
Hey, I got this CD too and I don’t know
what you are all fussing about! Mr. Starker plays these Popper
Etudes so darn fast that I can’t keep up with him. But my goal is to
play the Kodaly Sonata as good as him one day.
PeterTsong,
ICS Rod:
Moses, that’s a great goal! Maybe you should listen to
some Rostropovich recordings too! I like Starker’s Kodaly too, but
if it’s Shostakovich, Prokofiev or any Soviet composer, I’d rather
hear Rostropovich. BTW, did I tell you about how he hugged and
kissed me when I saw him in his LA concert? I did? Oh well, you
should go and see the pictures on my website again
anyway!
Zimbabweecello:
Hey, at least Starker and Slava
don’t have to worry about making mistakes when they play with
orchestras. If they play during a rest (not that I ever do that)
they will still have a job tomorrow.
ChristoffChen:
Here’s
a link to Starker’s Popper etudes recording story
www.starker.com/asp=?231.jsp.ser
Here’s
a link to Starker’s Baldness Annonymous site
http://www.starker.com/asp=12023*ser/hairclubformen.html
Here’s
a link to Slava’s Baldness Annonymoust site
www.slava.com/hair/loss/shine.html
Here’s
a link to Starker and Slava’s mutual agreement not to compete in the
baldness arena
http://www.baldness.settlement.org/agreement/noncompetitive.html
JimTanof:
Isserlis
says that “baldness has no bearing on a cellist’s playing. That
said, I’m glad I have a very full head of hair. But in all honesty,
there’s that 1% that I’m missing from pure cellistic perfection. I
can’t help but wonder if I’d achieve that same perfection if I were
partially bald like Casals, Slava, Starker, etc.) I guess I’ll never
know and have to settle with being merely a 99% infallible
cellist.”
Nelsova says: “…I for one think that Baldness is
absolutely darling in a cellist. But not for a woman cellist like
myself! We women cellist should adorn ourselves proportionate to our
talent. That’s why I wear the most elaborate gowns whenever I play.
I am proud of my full head of hair too. It all reflects on MY
playing”
PA:
I can personally attest to Nelsova’s perfect
hair and perfect technique!
YellowGeek:
Y’all a bunch o
losahs, yo! I’m not much of a cello fool, but I’ll tell ya this! Ya
gotta be down wif some serious Eminem if ya want some phat music,
yo!
DavidSandles:
This is a very interesting thread, but
I’m not going to have much time to contribute to it. The JSO is
going start a 363 day tour of Antartica starting tomorrow. I hope
they have internet cafes there so we can send you daily updates.
CoryStooka and I will be bartering with the local penguins for any
autographs and old pictures they may have of any artists who have
played there. We’ll keep you all posted. BTW, Starker isn’t as bald
as he looks in his pictures.
VectorSeizure:
Playing
perfectly in tune like Starker involves finding just the right
balance of your body. True, not all of us can boast that shiny plate
of a bald head like he does, but we can learn from it and how it
affects his cello playing.
Try this:
1)Sit in a chair with
both feet slightly spread
2)Have someone shave the front of your
heard
3)Notice how there is a slightly lighter feeling in your
head and how your neck has less tension
4)Begin to sway left and
right when you play your downbows and upbows
5)Next, have your
friend shave the sides of your head
6)Begins to sway forward and
backwards as you play
Soon you’ll notice that with a bald
head, the aerodynamics involved produce a much more nimble agility.
This is facilitated by the reduction of drag, yaw and pitch from a
full head of hair. Be sure to read about this in my 30th edition of
New Directives in Cello Playing! Be sure not to pay attention to the
picture of Rostropovich in the Japanese edition. It shows him when
he was younger and with a near full head of hair. Certainly a
misrepresentation of
concepts!
PriceyTrace:
Personally, I think that bald
cellists are very huggable. Like teddy bears. Not that I’d try
shaving my head as Mr. Seizure suggests. Hmmm….maybe….
|
Bob
Registered
User
Posts: 240
(3/12/01 7:07:30
pm)
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|
Lest there be
any confusion, this isn't mine
|
Paul
Tseng ICS Staff 
Administrator
Posts: 1141
(3/12/01 7:25:11 pm)
Reply
 |
Hahaha!.......
?
Hey, that was pretty
funny!
 I guess
I should stop being so prideful about my kid's website with all
those baby pictures.
Paul Tseng
My Website
Alexander's website
MP3!
|
Betsy
C 
Registered User
Posts:
289
(3/12/01 8:20:38 pm)
Reply
|
Re: The Long
awaited Parody!
It's me, Betsy C (or is it Metsy B?) Anyway, it's hard enough to be
an adult newbie to the cello without having to worry about my
coiffure. This is another stellar parody to be read, hooted and
laughed over, and then read again. Bob, I'm kind of sorry it isn't
you who did this. It's hilarious! It captured everyone's essence so
accurately! Now I want to know who the genius is so that proper
accolades can be bestowed.
P.S. Paul- you're a new Dad. We
make allowances!
And
as for my friend Vector- let me state emphatically that I am
thoroughly enjoying learning to play the cello with techniques that
he has developed (Bless you, Victor!) and that Walter has not made
me get a Mohawk or shave my head in a cello lesson yet.
Edited by: Betsy
C at: 3/12/01 8:27:24 pm
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Laura
Wichers
Moderator
Posts: 921
(3/12/01 8:32:52 pm)
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|
Re: just isn't
the Real Thing.
|
drcello
Registered
User
Posts: 258
(3/12/01 9:01:54
pm)
Reply
| Edit
 |
When I was a
boy...
When I was a boy, we didn't write parodies like
this...
(Pretty good parody!)
Marshall C. St. John
drcello@mindspring.com
Cello Heaven
|
Tracie
Price 
Registered User
Posts: 439
(3/12/01 10:19:47 pm)
Reply
|
Re: The Long
awaited Parody!
Hmmmm... I really WAS joking about shaving my head earlier
today...
O dear....
(just because my co-worker has a
shaved head and we are swapping work schedules on Wednesday, so I
thought I would also have to shave my head)
Smileys are bald too.
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zambocello
Registered
User
Posts: 491
(3/12/01 11:00:15
pm)
Reply
|
Dig it !
|
Lucy
Clifford
Registered User
Posts: 115
(3/13/01 12:48:54 am)
Reply
|
Jolly good
show!
|
Paul
Tseng ICS Staff
Administrator
Posts: 1142
(3/13/01 1:02:41 am)
Reply
|
And now the
speculation begins!
Thanks Metsy, I mean Betsy! I guess all parents are proud, aren't
they?
I too would like to know who wrote this Parody.
Hmmmm....Bob, how do we know this wasn't you? Just because you say
it wasn't by you doesn't necessarily make it so, you know. That
might be just what you WANT us to believe! (Don't be modest, take
the credit where it's due!) Then again, maybe it really WAS someone
else.... hmmm....
TAP TAP TAP TAP
Paul Tseng
My Website
Alexander's website
MP3!
|
Christopher
Chan
Registered User
Posts: 72
(3/13/01 2:54:14 am)
Reply
 |
Re: The Long
awaited Parody!
www.rpi.edu/~chanc3/hairclub.htm
|
cellochris99
Registered
User
Posts: 98
(3/13/01 3:42:40
am)
Reply
|
Re:parody
Who is "cellokid145" representing, cellofreak1286 or
cellochick?
Chris
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BA
Registered
User
Posts: 173
(3/13/01 5:22:12
am)
Reply
|
<<Grin>>
Very Funny! But somehow I am afraid that 'PA' is right...
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Dorie
Straus 
Moderator
Posts: 521
(3/13/01 5:56:48 am)
Reply
|
Definately not
Bob, style-thing.
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justinkagan1
Registered User
Posts: 344
(3/13/01 9:53:05 am)
Reply
|
Re: Definately
not Bob, style-thing.
I agree that this isn't Bob for stylistic reasons...he'd never
allow any typos for one. I still laughed a bunch tho' not as much as
Parody I, which had me crying), whoever it is...I suspect Dorie. But
any way you cut it, this current goup of chatters is quite a bit
less extreme than the previous generation...must be too busy
practicing and lurking at sharmusic.com. Let's hope that Bob has an
easy week of case work and rises to the occasion...
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ekifri
Registered
User
Posts: 173
(3/13/01 9:56:36
am)
Reply
|
I
suspect........
Kevin McGowin!
Where were you, Kevin, on the night of the
12th?
-eva
|
sarah
schenkman
Registered User
Posts:
282
(3/13/01 10:48:44 am)
Reply
|
Very
funny.
|
Paul
Tseng ICS Staff
Administrator
Posts: 1143
(3/13/01 1:15:02 pm)
Reply
|
Chris, that's
awesome
Apparently ChristoffChen was serious about those links!
Good
job! I nominate Chris to be our backup webmaster or vice-webmaster
or whatever! Cool!
Paul Tseng
My Website
Alexander's website
MP3!
Edited by: Paul
Tseng ICS Staff at:
3/13/01 1:24:07 pm
|
Paul
Tseng ICS Staff
Administrator
Posts: 1144
(3/13/01 1:27:56 pm)
Reply
|
Re: Definately
not Bob, style-thing.
What is "Bob" Style, anyway? Enquiring minds want to know.
Paul Tseng
My Website
Alexander's website
MP3!
|
Tracie
Price
Registered User
Posts: 441
(3/13/01 3:28:19 pm)
Reply
|
Hahahahahahahaha
Brilliant work!
|
Ernie77
Registered
User
Posts: 26
(3/13/01 3:53:16
pm)
Reply
|
Bravo.......Encore Encore!!!!!!
|
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